Comments on: Jordan – Stillbirth (after)

By: Judi / Momma Muse

Judi / Momma Muse — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 15:50:04 +0000

Dana – you’ve just described a nightmare all moms go through after having a loss.. we get so afraid to hope and then to let your guard down and have such a loss. After we lost Jordan, I read that “only” 5-6% of births end in stillbirth. From then on, statistics just made me mad. I’ve been on that small percent side of things and I just couldn’t find much hope in hearing such statistics … and I realized that after Jordan, after a stillbirth, a pregnant mom doesn’t have the just the first few months to get through – just what you described, that feeling of “we just need to reach 12 weeks when the chance of miscarriage drops dramatically” .. we now had to worry the whole pregnancy.. and not just until the babe was safe in arms.. but we now realize with much more clarity that our babies can be taken at any point, miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS…

I am so sorry for your loss. No matter how far along you are, it hurts. I know my grand-daughter brought a lot of strength to my daughter when she went through this, too, in October. June Marie is a lovely name.. My heart goes out to you…

By: Judi / Momma Muse

Judi / Momma Muse — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 15:40:02 +0000

Kimberley – I’m so sorry for your loss… I wish I could tell you you’d feel better tomorrow.. but the truth is, we all cope and heal from our loss(es) in different ways. It helps if you can find a focus for your grief. For me, it was writing about our loss. Others may make blankets, or bears or other mementos for moms and dads going through the same thing. Others let themselves drown in the grief and one day something “wakes them up” and the find a new reason, will, desire to go forward. I don’t know if you read more of my site, but our daughter Jordan was stillborn in 2000.. and just a couple months ago, my oldest daughter gave birth to her stillborn daughter (Mya was 36 weeks, just like Jordan was when we lost her).. It was a terribly hard blow for our family. My daughter put a lot of her focus into her other daughter (my first granddaughter), into the holidays and into getting pregnant again. I remember another girl who lost her baby the same year I lost Jordan, and she spent the next year (or maybe 2) just completely absorbed in her grief and sorrow… no one could say or do anything to help, nothing seemed real or genuine to her.. she was very angry and resentful – and to tell truth, I couldn’t blame her at all. It wasn’t an easy path for her, but she did eventually find her way. You will too.. it may not seem like it now, and it may seem like you will hurt forever.. but time does help. Maybe find something that reminds you of her.. a butterfly, a ladybug, a little angel, a heart.. something that when you see it, you can think of your sweet baby. And maybe collect those things. We collected dolphins for a while, my daughter chose a ladybug urn for Mya – give yourself something tangible to hold on to.. you can’t have your baby, but you can hold, cry on, and sleep with a little stuffed bear.. I hope you find some peace soon. I hope my words/thoughts/ideas have given you some sort of hope.

By: Dana Bannon

Dana Bannon — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 22:27:01 +0000

I just want to say thank you. Thank you for using the one thing we have and that’s our voice. I just delivered my daughter June Marie Bannon at 20 weeks. We had a sonogram Tuesday to find out it was a girl and after losing my last pregnancy at 6 weeks ( I have a 4 yr old) I was unable to bond with this pregnancy for so long. After seeing her healthy and moving I turned the emotional bend and I felt pregnant. Friday we had a checkup and they couldn’t find her heartbeat. I don’t know how to go
On but I know I will. My daughter ruby (4) is such a blessing and now I know this even more. Thank you for letting me know I’m not alone.

By: kimberley

kimberley — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 15:04:57 +0000

hi i’m so sorry for your loss. my names kim i’m a 24yr old mother of a little boy who’s 22 months old i’ve just had a stillborn baby girl at 31weeks she was born on the 22/09/2011!!!! i feel like the days are just geting darker there’s no way out of this i feel like my whole world has stoped and i no i need to keep going for my little boy but life is just so crule does it get easier or do you just find yourself copeing from day to day i have no one to talk to i just feel so alone me and my partner dont feel as close any more as we was i feel like my arms ache to hold her and i’ve got a heavy weight on my chest that never seems to go away… thank you for taking time to read this……

By: Judi / Momma Muse

Judi / Momma Muse — Sat, 16 Jul 2011 19:15:06 +0000

If we think of it in terms of a future situation or an imagined situation, none of us really think we could go through such a loss. It’s an unimaginable loss. One that people don’t understand until they are there, having to go through it.

Enjoy your daughter every day, even through the frustrating ones. Life could be worse. :) I’m sorry for your friend and your mom who have gone through it themselves.